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THE decision Empty

THE decision

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Help! THE decision

Post  fredvon4 Thu Jan 27, 2022 3:56 pm

THE decision 20180512



Almost every critter we have had, that added joy to our lives, eventually was destined to NOT out live us.

Every time I have Made...THE DECISION.. was because the helpless critter was severely damaged or doctor advised no recovery possible.

I/we have a dear family member who I believe to be in great pain and no longer enjoying life.

However, she is still responsive, can eat, and show deep affection...despite her infirmities.

Addi was a rescue from an abusive owner 12 years ago. This Cork screw Boston Terrier has been an integral part of our rotating family of critters for along time.

She is smart, loving, guide to young pups (not hers) and ultra sensitive to any of us that are missing or sick.

I grieve every day I have to find her outside laying in some corner of our property shivering and guide her, or carry her, inside and warmth.
Knowing what MUST BE DONE.

Expense is not a factor we can afford her medical needs.

But her cumulative systems in distress can NOT ever be "cured"

While I know Doc Brad Moyer and I will cry as he sends her....I always have deep guilt at THE DECISION...some part religious belief, some part pragmatic, some justifying THE DECISION, but always the knowing that at some moment I...and I do me a Capitol I made a decision based on MY need to STOP some suffering. And I always am angered that I had to make that DECISION.

This one is the hardest because medically we can extend her life some few more years... BUT as every day I take the time to find her, get her to safely and warmth, Lay her head in my lap and love on her, I know she is in pain and suffering.

My wife Renie has helped me in the past because in the past. Always THE DECISION was immediate to stop the suffering of a damaged critter that could not possibly survive ANY medical intervention.

Renie absolutely will not help in THIS DECISION out of deep guilt over Sapherie the Frenchie lost from Anesthesia for Nares Surgery three summers ago...an event she compensated for with 2 newborn replacement Female Frenchie's.

OK I am not sure if I set the stage for any new members

BUT most of you know me, my family, my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, and my deep respect for Ideas AND ALTERNATIVE OPINIONS ON A VAST VARIETY OF SUBJECTS

I only have 2 options with my dear girl Addi
1. In person Euthanasia
2. Continue to have Addi and I love each other until the medicines stop, and system failures cause a slow lonely* painful death

* Lonely because lately she wanders off and lays down under something and just shiver's until I find her.

Deeply emotional and sad Fred with a DECISION to make soon.

Also apologetic Fred, because I am aware that this post adds to some grief for many of my Empathetic CEF friends...unfairly

My Prayers for guidance always seem to be answered by my God through my friends
Damn I wish WE had a two way land line set up


Last edited by fredvon4 on Mon Feb 07, 2022 2:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  firstwordisee Thu Jan 27, 2022 4:30 pm

I've had to do this a couple of times Fred, last one was the hardest since by son was only 10 and the dog was his best pal- never knew life without him, went out and got another one the same day, looked just like the boxer we put down, this helped,. Extremely hard choice to make but as the last vet told me, its much harder on the owner than the pet, we want to keep them as long as possible, much longer than the would survive without us. If you think it is suffering it probably is. Very sad to hear my friend.
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Kim Thu Jan 27, 2022 5:23 pm

I kept my beloved little pup going longer than was probably humane, but finally got boxed in to the point that THE DECISION was only choice.

My vet had been saying for weeks that "The Time" was for me to decide, and I finally paid for her and her assistant to come to the house, sparing Chelsea the emotional trauma of going to their office (she HATED that place).
12 years ago, and the memory of that day still tears me up.
But I simply didn't have a choice.

So, it's a hard, unavoidable call, and believe me, I empathize with what you're dealing with.
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  rsv1cox Thu Jan 27, 2022 5:30 pm

I know Fred.  I know.  

There comes a time when you ask yourself a question, or at least I did is............am I keeping Spike alive for him or for me?  Blind for two years, sore back, bad teeth, 14 years on and suffering.  But I could not let him go.  Finally, Mark came over and said - best for him Dad.  No just another week.  Come on Dad.  I picked Spike up and walked around with him.  Another week!  Sat him back down.  Ok take him.  Comes to our pets I'm a weak person.  No way am I going to the vet's and watch him go.  Mark called his sister who met him at the vets.  Spike had good company in his last moments.  His ashes are on the mantel above the fireplace along with my wife's.  He's still in good company.

Do what's best for your pet Fred.  Quality of life does not extend to humans alone.
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Marleysky Thu Jan 27, 2022 6:04 pm

Fred, It is a heart wrenching decision, either way sooner or later. Been through it many times before and it doesn't get any easier. Last recent one was made by my Sister-in-laws family. Like a close family member, we would stay at their house to be with him while his family went on vacation as they didn't want to kennel him while they were gone. This is what my nephew posted on FB the day they made the decision...THE decision Scree122
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Cribbs74 Thu Jan 27, 2022 6:37 pm

Fred,

Nothing I can really say to help you. You lose either way. I will say Addi is exhibiting behaviors that her end is near. Animals will instinctively wander off and try and be alone when their time comes. Whatever you decide it won’t be the wrong decision.

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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  NEW222 Thu Jan 27, 2022 7:35 pm

I am speechless here. I see both sides of the decision. While I would most definately want more time with my child/pet, I would definately do what is best for them. I too have had that hard decision many times and know that it will happen again, and each time, it does not get easier. In the end, as it is your pet, only you really know what is best for it, and I truly believe that they know that you will make the right decision, whatever it is.
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Help! Dear CEF friends

Post  fredvon4 Thu Jan 27, 2022 7:43 pm

I fear I do not understand all subsequent responses after a topic I start has a THANKS button. If I click the first all others are greyed out

Probably as well because each response affirms what I know

I am indeed grateful you took the time to relate and emphasize, all from a perspective of been there

I also take these life events and remember my Father teaching me hunting ethics, probably good lessons, but his son did not need it-- because for some reason, I can't accept any suffering of human or animal.

I regret my early husband and father years where it fell on me to DECIDE and then EXECUTE a most terrible word but factual

I am so glad we ended up in this rural area, for many reasons, but country doctoring of humans and animals is usually offered by Doctors and staff that know you and your family members by name...all family members.

DVM Brad Moyer was new grad from A&M when we moved here. We had two back to back emergencies: A older mutt with Parvo virus, a deadly dieses prevalent in this area we did not know about ---and sought Vet too late. And a cast off Boston with severe Heart worm infestation. Brad did his best but the Mutt did she not survive. Pete the BT needed two full rounds of the strychnine poison and 6 weeks each time of total immobility to prevent the dissolving worm parts from clotting. A very long year for us and our kids as we both were still on active duty. Our family has fostered or out right saved about 28 dogs and cats since we got this home in 1994.

The way our country and world is right now it helps me immensely to know there are still caring, loving, people in my world

I owe all of you an update on MY personal health and upcoming surgery Monday. Fret not, it is something that will seriously impact my quality of life and I have literally the very best pioneers in this new field of SCS (google if you must)

As many CEF friends know since 2014 I have had a tough road of med problems. And CEF friends prayers and compassion has kept the bad thoughts and depressions short lived. In this I thank all who reached out and checked in on me and I know we all dearly miss Rusty, who despite his own challenges, found the time to chat with me on the phone, sometimes for hours

So a long, but typical of me, way around to simply say

Thank you guys!
I Love This Forum!
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  cstatman Thu Jan 27, 2022 10:55 pm

Will Rogers gave one of my favorite quotes
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went"

I had a lab pit mix - didn't want her really, I was a college kid, and a friend forced Ladybird on me. She went everywhere with me from 1985-1999, except on the motorcycle. When it was the time? I took her for a short walk, we shared a hamburger, and i held her in my arms at the vet.... I was broken, for about a month, maybe more. Just gave up - wouldn't talk to people, lost my job, broken.

couldn't do it again. 2013, a dear pal of mine said "your reluctance to lose another dog? is keeping your son from the joy of having a dog" Penny the lab pit mix, came into our family the NEXT DAY.... Has been by Saul's side ever since. Follows him weekly when he goes from my house to his mothers house.

I fear the day when its the time.... she is healthy, but with dogs - it always comes. I was bemoaning the fact that it absolutely sucks that we outlive them. same friend? slaps me on the back of the head, as friends do. tells me "dogs are here to help us become better people. dealing with grief is part of that growth"

well, it doesnt make it any damn easier.

My heart goes out to ya. I'd rather have the company of a good dog, than most people.

I want to go where they went......
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Kim Thu Jan 27, 2022 11:14 pm

cstatman wrote:Will Rogers gave one of my favorite quotes
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went"


My heart goes out to ya.   I'd rather have the company of a good dog, than most people.

I want to go where they went......

Truly.
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Help! Fledgling

Post  Coxfledgling Fri Jan 28, 2022 1:52 am

I feel your pain...

The lad and this partner were left a dog " seren " after her owner sadly died.

She is a brilliant dog, clever, obedient and very loving, but she likes car. Anyone opening a car door and she jumps in, to her car !

She is well loved and looked after, but she now has problems. Regular visits to the vets for "flushing out" and now acupuncture, which seems to work for her.

We are hoping she lives for some more years.

Nature can/is quite cruel, but anything living has to "pass" at some point.

When that happens, naturally hopefully, I know I am going to cry, welling up now even as I write this...and she's not even my dog.

It's gunna be painfully when it happens, but I know she is well loved and looked after.
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Help! Addi playing with Sapherie

Post  fredvon4 Fri Jan 28, 2022 6:54 am

THE decision 20150812
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  fredvon4 Mon Feb 07, 2022 2:53 pm

THE decision 20180513
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Marleysky Mon Feb 07, 2022 3:12 pm

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog, they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all of the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and as loving as they are." — Anonymous
Sad
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  fredvon4 Mon Feb 07, 2022 3:18 pm

Thank you sir
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  NEW222 Mon Feb 07, 2022 9:33 pm

Sorry for your loss Fred.
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  rsv1cox Tue Feb 08, 2022 6:57 am

Welcome Addi, this place ain't so bad. Spike - March 12th, 2020
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  getback Tue Feb 08, 2022 7:45 am

I know it hurts Fred but you are aware that sometimes its best for them just not for you Sad I feel your pain .
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  KariFS Tue Feb 08, 2022 11:19 am

So sorry for your loss Fred Sad

Having gone through the same thing a little over three years ago, I am pretty sure I know how you must feel. This was a responsible thing to do, although it must have been agonizing to think about in advance. She doesn’t hurt anymore, and she went peacefully, that’s the most important thing to remember.

In December 2018 we lost our beloved Maija (pronounced ”Maya”), a Portuguese Water Dog. She had many problems, thyroid not working properly, and later she was diagnosed having Addison’s disease. Also a couple of allergies. After the Addison was diagnosed and medication was determined, she was ok for a while, although she had about 5 different pills to take every morning and evening. She was a good and smart girl, took her pills with no hassle. Then one day she could not eat and vomited after just a drink of water. She got weak quickly. X-rays showed that something was blocking her intestine, they put an iv, she got better in a few hours and they started to prepare her for operation. Well, the thing that was blocking the intestine was a tumor, it would have been operable, but there were also damage on other internal organs, and with her other problems the risk of complications would have been almost 100%. So they sew her back together, gave a little more sedative so that we could drive to the vet to say goodbye. I am by no means a tough guy, quite the opposite (fighting back tears as I write this), but I generally don’t cry. After the final injection, with my ear on her side, listening to her heart pound slower and slower, and finally stopping, I wept out loud. First time in 40+ years. I knew I loved her, just didn’t realize how much, until she was gone. She would have turned 10 years last Friday.

Didn’t mean to hijack your thread Fred, just wanted to share a story. Maybe Addi and Maija will meet in the Dog Heaven. Here’s a picture of her in the beginning of her last Autumn.

THE decision 7bd2fb10

And as usual, when I start to ramble, I forget what I meant to say... When we made the Decision, it felt like the only sensible thing to do. We had to decide quickly, over the phone. Afterwards I started to think about the ”what ifs”. Maybe she would have got better? Should we have tried at least? It was painful, even though in my heart I still knew there was no alternative.

I did feel lost for a long time, like I had lost my shadow or something. She was always there like a shadow.


Last edited by KariFS on Tue Feb 08, 2022 1:03 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  firstwordisee Tue Feb 08, 2022 1:00 pm

You're a wise man Fred, my words dont matter much, just remember tomorrow will be a brighter day. Take Care.
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  fredvon4 Tue Feb 08, 2022 1:21 pm

Kari I know too well the sentiment as Addi makes probably 19th Dog to assist onward. Some were not family but just creatures that got badly damaged and were not even going to survive a trip to some distant Vet. Even those mercies brought deep emotional response from me.

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can’t be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close — we two — these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

THE decision Dogs-l10

R.I.P dear Maija I pray you and Addi may meet and share your memories of Kari and Fred
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Help! Re: THE decision

Post  Cribbs74 Tue Feb 08, 2022 5:18 pm

Sorry Fred. This is the circle of life. Sucks bad, but makes heaven a place to long for.
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Help! RE: The Decision

Post  66 Malibu Wed Feb 09, 2022 10:10 am

Fred,
I'm very sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. I had dogs from when I was a small child and on into my 50's.
The losses only got harder and harder especially when I had to do the same thing several times as you have.
My wife truly loves animals but agreed that our circumstances prohibited anymore dogs, so she went through 4 or 5 cats with the same emotions.
Now we are at the point as much as we love animals, we can't do it anymore.
Please accept my condolences,
Steve
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